Practically every single dollar bill has spent
some time in a strippers’ ass. Arse.
Sorry, I know this is an American audience, but I can’t “ASS”
I have to “ARSE” I can’t do “ASS” – to me an Ass is a donkey,
and I’m not putting THAT down a stripper’s butt crack! Have you ever looked at an idiot spending money and wondered:
How the h*** do they get their own bank account?” What is a credit card?
Now this wouldn’t be too outrageous a question, save for the fact that the person asking it
had just applied for one – and been approved! That’s like giving car-keys to someone without
a drivers’ license. If you want a simple definition of a credit
card, use this: A credit card is what you use when something
costs too much, and you want to pay more for it. Just so I have this straight: you didn’t pay your credit card because you wanted to save
up for your vacation, and now you want us to let you use your card.
What do people think credit cards are; magic money makers?!
Do they even read what they are before they sign on the dotted line?
And here’s another example that showcases the spectacular ignorance regarding people
with credit cards. I spent all the money on my credit card and
I cut it up. WHY DID I RECEIVE A BILL FOR IT?! Okay, I’m as guilty as the next guy for not reading all the terms and conditions.
I don’t read every single line. And if anyone says they do, they’re lying.
Terms and conditions, they’re things that everyone says they’ve read but they haven’t
really. Like Shakespeare or The Constitution, or The Bible. I mean who reads that unintelligible word soup every time they have to update their
itunes? I mean terms and conditions, not The Bible.
Don’t read The Bible every time you have to update your itunes.
Don’t do that! I have no idea whose card that is, so charge
that one. Actual physical money, is a dirty business.
I mean literally. When you think about it, every single dollar
bill has spent at least some time down a stripper’s arse.
And it you weren’t thinking about that before, you will now!
Wash your hands, kids! I like the concept of clean, accountable,
electronic money. And then dumb s*** like this customer happens,
and ruins it all for the rest of us. You mean you’re making me responsible for
my own money? I’m not the best when it comes to personal
finances. Some people live paycheck to paycheck; I’m
in awe of those people! I don’t know how they do it; I live paycheck
to about five days BEFORE paycheck! But, I own my finances! When I run out of
money, that’s on me. If I wanted to order a playstation VR and then live on instant
ramen for the rest of the month, so be it! At least I’ll be surrounded by pretty virtual
things as I gradually starve to death! But for all those entitled morons out there
who look everywhere except themselves to blame for their irresponsible finances?
Those people are the reasons why we have recessions, and financial crises.
Oh, don’t get me wrong; the banks are just as bad for enabling them.
The running joke is that the bank is a place you go to, to ask for money, when you can
prove you don’t need it. But often that’s not the case. And then greed
takes over, economies crash, and our website is full of lovely stories about idiots with
money that I can tell you about on lists like this one. That is so weird! My card was denied last week. Shouldn’t it be un-denied by now?
I think they’re in denial, about being in denial, which is undeniably sad.
But what, do they think that if they ignored it for a week it would just go away?
The universe is full of things that we would hope go away if we just ignore them. Like, Mormons. Those krispy kremes that Brenda from accounts
brought in Trump I want to deposit this check through the app and get cash right now.
Stop and think about this. They want to make a deposit and get cash.
Right now. Through an app. Cash. Through an app.
FROM AN APP! Bloody h***!
So, what we can draw from all this, is that there is a s***-ton of people out there that
think money grows on trees. Although… money is made of paper.
And paper comes from… –greed takes over, economies crash, and then
my website is full– Our website, our, not we! Me, I, we, me, you,
our! Whoa! I’m having an out-of-money experience!

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9 thoughts on “This Is Why We’re in a Recession!”

  1. I'm going to respond but this isn't itunes so I'm busy first reading the bible. Not sure which version of it, should I read them all?

  2. I'm gonna be that person to point out that money, or at least USD, is not made of paper from trees; it's made of linen and cotton. Yes, I'm fun at parties.

  3. why did you change the title? In my feed I had "Jimmy Kimmel full interview with President George W. Bush" and right under it "why we are in a recession"

  4. Money actually isn't made of paper from trees 🙂 Today, USD notes are made from cotton fiber paper, unlike most common paper, which is made of wood fiber. That's why they don't get destroyed when you wash crumpled bills in your jean pocket.

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