INFJ Wiring of the Mind. Hey it’s Joel Mark Witt from Personality
Hacker. As an INFJ your mind is fundamentally wired
differently from other personalities. You’ve probably already heard that you are an introvert,
intuitive, feeler, judger. And a lot of articles and resources focus on the behaviors you show
the world as an INFJ. Behavior can be helpful – but it isn’t the
complete picture when figuring out your personality. I want to give you a peek inside your mind
to expose the mental wiring that makes you an INFJ.Let’s get started. Your four letter code INFJ gives us insight
into how your mind is learning information and making decisions. The primary way your mind sees the world is
by using a mental process we’ve nicknamed “Perspectives.” It’s technical name
is Introverted Intuition. When looking at the world – Perspectives is
interested in finding deep insight. It tends to ask a lot of discovery questions, like:
What is the meaning of knowledge? What are the long-range implications of emerging
social trends? How are two people in an argument actually
agreeing without realizing it? Imagine a four passenger car. If one of your mental processes could drive
– it would be Perspectives. Using this mental process puts you in flow. You’ve been using
it your whole life. It’s your reality filter and informs what captures your attention. If Perspectives is how you see the world as
an INFJ, then the mental process we’ve nicknamed Harmony is how you make your best decisions.
Harmony is a feeling process and asks the question, “What gets everyone’s needs
met?”Think about that four passenger car again… if Perspectives is in the driver
seat – then Harmony is in the front passenger seat. It is your Co-Pilot mental process and
what we call your growth state. Of course – this is a four passenger car so
you also have two mental processes in the backseat. Sitting right behind the Co-Pilot is a mental
process we call Accuracy. Accuracy asks the question “Does this make sense?” It’s
a thinking process concerned with data, truth and congruity of thought. When not used in
a healthy way, Accuracy can cause an INFJ to withdraw and become hypercritical of themselves
and other people. This mental process has the development of
about a ten year old child. Finally – behind the driver of Perspectives
sits a mental process we’ve nicknamed Sensation. We call this your blind spot or three year
old mental process. Sensation is all about real time kinetics, and understanding the
world through your physical senses by being fully immersed in the here-and-now. Notice – we haven’t talked about INFJ behaviors.
Instead, I’ve been talking about the mental wiring of your mind. Behaviors can only give
us clues to how your mind is wired. It’s far more interesting to dive into WHAT CAUSES
our behaviors as people. Here at Personality Hacker – We don’t talk
about personality types for their own sake. We think understanding your personality is
one of the best ways to frame your personal growth journey.And we attract INFJs who are
interested in personal growth.Next up – I want to talk about the best way to grow yourself
as an INFJ. Remember the car model we used to show the
mental wiring of your personality? As an INFJ your Co-Pilot is the mental process called
Harmony (it’s technical name is Extraverted Feeling). This is what we call your growth position.
It’s the highest leverage point for growth in your personality. Harmony allows you as an INFJ to make decisions
that help you answer the question “What gets everyone’s needs met?”
Here are some ways that an INFJ can phrase questions using their Harmony process… Am I truly giving back or just seeking approval?
What is the kind thing I can do – not just the nice thing?
How can I be available to meet people’s needs without compromising my own?
Does it make sense for me to put aside all my desires for this relationship? Harmony encourages you as an INFJ to proactively
set boundaries for yourself and others leading to an ultimately happier atmosphere. It’s easy for an INFJ to get lost in seeking
the approval of others. But if those relationships are never built on intimacy and understanding
– you will always feel like something is missing. Growing your Harmony can be a challenge for
you as an INFJ. It can feel threatening to your heart to become vulnerable and speak
up in the outside world. Every personality type tends to avoid growing
their co-pilot mental process. But here lies the power of understanding your personality.Don’t
see your Harmony as something to delay or avoid – embrace getting into this mental process
because it gives you the opportunity to create boundaries and become an empowered INFJ. Harmony also encourages an INFJ to get out
of the ‘perfectionism’ cycle, replacing it with the concept: “I too grant approval
to others.” No one is the final arbiter of approval for you. As an INFJ you can also
give and withhold your approval. Setting boundaries in the outside world gets
your needs met. It’s feels right to focus on the part you play in the approval/disapproval
social game. If you want to quickly connect with others
and remain empowered – you will need to get out of your comfort zone and set boundaries
in the real world. As an INFJ – your mind is already wired to
create win-wins. Don’t ignore this natural talent that you posses. Start asking – “what boundaries can I create
in the real world?” Spend some focused time feeling through the pain points that you know
need boundaries. Say “NO” to every request for one full
day. It doesn’t matter how easy the request is – just say no as practice for setting boundaries.
Ask “What “me time” will I create for myself today?”
Pay attention to crazymakers – those people who step on your boundaries. Practice standing
up for yourself when they come into your world and demand attention. Do what it takes to set your personal boundaries.As
an INFJ you will bring the best version of yourself to the world when you open your heart
to others – fully empowered – with strong personal boundaries in place.We’d love for
you – to keep us up to date about your journey. One of the best places to do that is our Facebook
page (Facebook dot com forward slash Personality Hacker).And of course – come over to Personality
Hacker dot com and leave a comment – ask a question – or take our personality test.Next
I want to talk about the defense strategies your mind uses that steal happiness from you.And
of course – what to do about it.The word defensive. You probably think of of an emotional state
– or someone getting offended in the moment. “She’s acting so defensive.” someone
might say. But I’m not talking about emotions. I’m
using the word positionally. As an INFJ you have a specific area of your mind that you
defend. As an INFJ – That’s your Accuracy process
sitting in the backseat of your car. It has the sophistication of a 10-year-old child.That’s
okay when you use this process to create intimacy or playfulness. The trouble starts when you
begin to allow this 10 year old process to seduce you into a self-protective space. As an INFJ, Accuracy (it’s technical name
is Introverted Thinking) generally shows up as withdrawal and a critical spirit. Accuracy
is, in a large part, about cold facts and consulting your inner logical truth on a matter.
When done well – Accuracy is about rooting out biases and inconsistencies of logic. But when you’re using Accuracy defensively
it won’t be about fault finding in a person’s logic, it will be about finding fault with
the person themselves. You may keep people at arm’s length, often through criticism. You’re much more at peace and happy when
you’re focused on positive, connective relationships. In an effort to protect yourself from being
vulnerable, you deny yourself the opportunity to be truly connected and understood. At worst,
INFJs can even become physical shut-ins, so afraid of being vulnerable that they rarely
leave the house and instead choose to wallow in their own self-loathing about being perpetually
misunderstood Focus more on creating healthy boundaries
around people’s energy rather than strategies to synthesize invulnerability.
Don’t let your Accuracy process steal your happiness.The solution is to focus on growing
your Harmony process like we’ve talked about before. As an INFJ, you’re much more connected and
happy when you’re focused on meeting the needs of those around you AND yourself. If
your 10 year old of Accuracy gets into the mix, it will encourage a critical spirit and
an unwillingness to do open your heart to others. I want to hear from you. How are you letting
your 10 year old of Accuracy hijack your happiness? What are the ways you as an INFJ are playing
it safe? You can leave a comment or take our personality
test over at Personality Hacker dot com. Next we’ll talk about how you best show
and receive love as an INFJ.I’ve got two quick lists for you today. First – how INFJs
ask “do you love me.” Second – how INFJs show other people love.
Here are a few examples of how INFJs ask do you love me? Imagine an INFJ asking these
questions: Do you feel connected to me?
Will you check in and make sure I’m okay? Will you acknowledge and take care of my needs?
Am I safe with you? Do you accept and approve of me?
Here are examples of INFJs saying “Yes – I love you” Imagine an INFJ making these statements:
I will meet your needs before I meet my own. I will check in regularly and make sure you’re
okay. I will do my best to keep my moral up.
I will show you appreciation in whatever way I’d like to be shown appreciation. As an INFJ you are probably nodding in agreement.
Just remember that other personalities can sometimes see these ways you show love as
smothering or intrusive.Feel free to share with the people in your life how your mind
works. Let them know the ways you show love are truly connective for you.
If you want to go deeper in your personal development – we have tons of resources, articles
and recordings about personal development through the lens of understanding your personality. Come over to Personality Hacker dot com.
Next up – let’s talk about where to go next in your personal growth as an INFJ. I have
some action steps for you. We’ve been talking about YOU – the INFJ
personality type. I’ve already detailed the mental wiring of your mind. We’ve talked
about your highest leverage point for growth and shed light on your defensive strategies.
And we’ve outlined how you give and receive love.
So what’s next for you as an INFJ? How will you launch yourself on a personal
development journey that works for YOU?Understanding that each of us have a unique personal growth
path seems obvious. And yet – self help authors and teachers often teach a one size fits all
model of growth. At Personality Hacker – It works well to personalize
your development as an INFJ. So that’s how we’ve designed our frameworks and models.
You now know the mental process to grow yourself as an INFJ is Harmony. Most INFJs want to create win-wins in the
outside world. They want to connect people and provide a happy environment.
As an INFJ – there’s nothing as rewarding as seeing your loved ones enjoying life and
living it to the fullest. The enemy of Harmony is cold, distant criticism.
Harmony requires the strength to wade through a world of people in pain looking for someone
to act as an emotional dialysis machine. You have to set up healthy boundaries in order
for you to get your needs met. It’s the only way for you to show up at your best and
not in an ungenerous, undernourished state. Set up your conditions to access this mental
process of Harmony as much as possible. When you come across someone with unmet needs,
put yourself in their shoes to determine what that need may be. If you cannot identify it,
ask them what it could be in a loving way. Some people may not know themselves, so offer
to talk about it until the need is identified. Give plenty of genuine affirmation, but avoid
praise if don’t mean it. Offer honest support, and be okay if the timing
isn’t right for them just yet. Work on building each of these skills, especially
the ones that are most challenging for you. It’s common for INFJs to feel almost spiritually
satisfied once they conquer their fear of vulnerability and experience connection with
solid personal boundaries in place. Most of your growth happens by thoughtfully
opening your heart to others. If you really want a deep dive into your individual
growth plan as an INFJ I invite you to check out our INFJ Personal Development Starter
Kit.You can find more information at Personality Hacker dot com.
Let me know what personal growth actions you are taking in your life and what has already
resonated for you. I’m Joel Mark Witt for Personality Hacker. Talk with you soon.